Time for some truth.
When a person chooses to end a marriage with 2 children to her high school sweetheart after 21 years, that does not mean she is automatically happy.
It is GUT-WRENCHING for her. She made a choice that hurt her children, her husband, and her extended family. She went through the gossip mill and people making up their own stories about her. She cared what people said. That's how her heart worked.
Let me tell you something. It's been about 15 months of therapy and healing and heartbreak and sorrow and learning. And huge GROWTH.
I no longer care about what you might think. Because I know you don't know the facts. My heart is still, in fact, extremely empathetic. But.....I decided to put myself first and decide how things made ME feel. Because the way I feel is way more important than what you think.
My children. I have seen Kyle come leaps and bounds in the understanding of our life and I have seen a maturity start to emerge that was never there before. I care what HE thinks long before I worry about what the rest of the world thinks. He also goes to therapy to deal with everything that is going on along with his anxiety and ADD. He has learned to tell me when he's feeling down and while he can't always pinpoint why he feels that way......just being able to recognize it now means he has grown in his understanding of himself and his environment.
My relationship with Kyle has grown and matured this past year. We fight (oh do we fight)......but it's different and I can't tell you how. But we tend to work things out fairly quickly in the end. Which didn't used to be the case.
And then there's David. My sweet, innocent David. The one I turn to when I need a snuggle or some clarity about anything. The one who can bring me back to being humble when I'm being extra. The one who binds all of us together as a team. We do it for him you know. He teaches us humility and partnership and parenting and communication.
My relationship with him and the way I take care of him has shown me so much. I'm learning to not be afraid. He's not. I'm learning to be more free. I am no longer thinking of him as a reason someone might not want to be with me one day to thinking that someone will be so lucky to know him that they want to be a part of us. He is really amazing and while he has rough days.....the good ones make up for that ten-fold.
Overall, I just want people to know that we're ok. All of us. We are all ok.
I am content and happy and that's all that I can ask for.
If you ever need me....I'll be the one worrying about herself now. Not what everyone else thinks.
And that, my friends, is the real growth.
Love yourself. That's the key to life.
