I can't believe it's the end of the summer. Didn't school just let out? We've already gotten our school supplies bought & kids are registered. I can't possibly have a second grader & an eighth grader (sort of).
I just figured out that I am THAT mom. The kind who has laid out plans in May for the absolute PERFECT summer. Play dates, pool time, vacation, zoo trips, day trips, & summer camp outs. Yea. Only about 25% of that actually became reality. Because life gets in the way. Work gets in the way. Weather gets in the way. We are all just people who do the best with what we've been given. Our kids don't think we're bad parents. If fact, if you can accomplish even 10% of your perfect world, they think we're pretty wonderful.
Try to remember it's not always the 'big' things that they look forward to. It's the small ones too. I'm sure Kyle & Michael formed some pretty awesome memories on their 6 mile bike rides together this year. And David will be happy with a big kiss and some tickle time.
I still have one last big hurrah planned for Kyle before school starts. Just an overnight trip with a good friend & her son. But to the boys going on the trip, they will think it's like a trip to Disney World.
I have to start remembering to live life knowing that sometimes all the big things in this world aren't so different from the little ones. Especially in the mind of children. To them, a memory is a memory. Big or small.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Brothers
"You know when you and daddy die, I will take really good care of David for you"~Kyle Matthew. July 23rd, 2013. Out of the clear blue while at work with me.
A moment in time that I won't quickly forget. Those words made my heart sink. They made my heart swell. They made my heart race.
No one ever wants to think of leaving their children alone in this world. Unfortunately, that's most often the case. It is nature. It sadly may not always be the case though.
We have no official diagnosis for David. Which means we really don't know what his future holds. He does have a weaker immune system & gets hit harder with most illnesses than a person with a normal immune system. While he could be taken from us before we leave this earth because of this, he could also live a very long life long after we're gone. I've seen him when he's sick. He's a fighter.
Either situation makes me sad. I will always keep David in my care for as long as I possibly can handle him. I know that Michael & I know him so well & can give him the best care as long as he is with us. It's because we love him so much. But what happens when we're gone?? It's crossed my mind. We discuss it occasionally behind closed doors at night because we would never want to worry Kyle at age 7 with such things. We both agree that it would never be fair for Kyle (or his wife & children) to take David into their home one day. Which means that David will have to be somewhere where he can be taken care of.
Obviously, Kyle has thought of things of this nature. I am so proud of him. I hope he knows that I want him to be able to make a life for himself and eventually his family. Eventually, we will have to have this discussion with a Kyle who is mature enough to realize that we want him to be able to have a life that is his own, but the knowledge to be able to make loving and caring decisions regarding his brother. I want him to teach his own children about his brother & not to be afraid of people who are different in the world. I have so much love for Kyle when, at age 7, he can utter the words that he did to me today. I know he sees David as part of his future. I love these two brothers.
Life begins and ends with family :)
*Pictures done by TeriLyn Lifestyle Photography
https://www.facebook.com/TeriLynLifestylePhotography
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Growing Up
Tomorrow my baby turns 7.
How? I don't even know how it happened. One second he was an infant. Then a toddler. Then he went to school. It went so fast. Second grade is right around the corner for him. And us.
Even though he's my youngest, he has given me many many firsts as a Mommy. Seeing one of my kids walk for the first time. Feeding himself was huge. Riding a bike. Those little things I have never experienced before.
And most recently-as of tonight-waiting for an X-Ray to show if he had any broken bones in his foot. Because he "fell" off the high bar on the playground at school. Yup. God gave me your All-American typical little boy. Always busy and not afraid of much.
I can't imagine my world without him in it.
Happy 7th birthday tomorrow, Kyle Matthew. You filled a huge hole in my heart and I hope you know how much you mean to us!
PS-X-Rays came back ok. Just bruised it pretty good!
How? I don't even know how it happened. One second he was an infant. Then a toddler. Then he went to school. It went so fast. Second grade is right around the corner for him. And us.
Even though he's my youngest, he has given me many many firsts as a Mommy. Seeing one of my kids walk for the first time. Feeding himself was huge. Riding a bike. Those little things I have never experienced before.
And most recently-as of tonight-waiting for an X-Ray to show if he had any broken bones in his foot. Because he "fell" off the high bar on the playground at school. Yup. God gave me your All-American typical little boy. Always busy and not afraid of much.
I can't imagine my world without him in it.
Happy 7th birthday tomorrow, Kyle Matthew. You filled a huge hole in my heart and I hope you know how much you mean to us!
PS-X-Rays came back ok. Just bruised it pretty good!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Perfection?
I was feeling rather brave today. I went to work with both kids. Then, since I must've been feeling lucky, I took them both to the grocery store with me. Now, this is something that rarely happens. I usually wait and go on a day Michael's off. Just the thought of dragging the wheelchair in and relying on a 6 year old to guide it smoothly through the store is terrifying on some days.
But today we did it. And it went pretty well. Kyle's little head can barely see over the David, but he got the job done without injuring another human being or knocking over displays of baked goods.
Along the way, I noticed that we had seen the same older woman in several of the aisles. She approached me as I was getting ready to head to the check out lane. She thought she had never seen such a perfect family. And well behaved children. As I looked over my shoulder to see who she was speaking to, I realized it was me! Such a nice compliment. But she only got to see a 5 minute glimpse (and must've missed us in the toy section as Kyle was racing down the lego aisle at top speed with me yelling at him to slow down) in what can only be a life called anything but "perfect".
Oh, I had great intentions of being just that when I had kids. All sunshine and roses. Then the children actually came into my life. Perfection went right out the window.
Now, I obviously have 2 kids. They're both boys. But their similarities really end there. David has exceptional needs. And Kyle's are more typical. Hence two completely different ways that I can go perfectly WRONG!
In the last two days I can think of several things that would have gone right if I had been perfect.
Some of my special needs imperfections:
David wears braces on his perfectly imperfect feet to keep them from turning out. He SHOULD wear them all the time. Yesterday we weren't feeling it.
Schedule is very important to a kid like David. He thrives on it. It's spring break. Schedule Smhedule.
I thought things were going well when we left the house this morning. His braces were on. He was looking cute. Diaper bag was packed. Or maybe not. I learned the very hard way that there were no baby wipes in that bag. Oops.
Or forgetting the extension in the drainer of the sink at home. Now this extension is David's lifeline to food. Luckily, we keep extras in a small backpack that is always on the wheelchair. (Because guess what? We've done this before!)
A few of my typical imperfections:
Last night Kyle went to a movie with a friend. Came home. Michael and I had tacos for dinner. Kyle had a tortilla. I figured he was full from his popcorn appetizer.
This morning his attitude was a little too much for me. He was grounded from video games. I forgot. He's playing Star Wars as I type this.
Yes. We watch Spongebob in this house. He taught Kyle what condemned means. LOL. Sometimes I just need 30-60 minutes of time in this house where he's not asking me questions.
And one last "typical" imperfection as parent. Bribery. If you've never used it to try to get your child to do something necessary, you really may be perfect.
With all of my imperfections though, one thing I know for sure is that they are both loved to an extreme. They give me reason to smile. They are our world.
But today we did it. And it went pretty well. Kyle's little head can barely see over the David, but he got the job done without injuring another human being or knocking over displays of baked goods.
Along the way, I noticed that we had seen the same older woman in several of the aisles. She approached me as I was getting ready to head to the check out lane. She thought she had never seen such a perfect family. And well behaved children. As I looked over my shoulder to see who she was speaking to, I realized it was me! Such a nice compliment. But she only got to see a 5 minute glimpse (and must've missed us in the toy section as Kyle was racing down the lego aisle at top speed with me yelling at him to slow down) in what can only be a life called anything but "perfect".
Oh, I had great intentions of being just that when I had kids. All sunshine and roses. Then the children actually came into my life. Perfection went right out the window.
Now, I obviously have 2 kids. They're both boys. But their similarities really end there. David has exceptional needs. And Kyle's are more typical. Hence two completely different ways that I can go perfectly WRONG!
In the last two days I can think of several things that would have gone right if I had been perfect.
Some of my special needs imperfections:
David wears braces on his perfectly imperfect feet to keep them from turning out. He SHOULD wear them all the time. Yesterday we weren't feeling it.
Schedule is very important to a kid like David. He thrives on it. It's spring break. Schedule Smhedule.
I thought things were going well when we left the house this morning. His braces were on. He was looking cute. Diaper bag was packed. Or maybe not. I learned the very hard way that there were no baby wipes in that bag. Oops.
Or forgetting the extension in the drainer of the sink at home. Now this extension is David's lifeline to food. Luckily, we keep extras in a small backpack that is always on the wheelchair. (Because guess what? We've done this before!)
A few of my typical imperfections:
Last night Kyle went to a movie with a friend. Came home. Michael and I had tacos for dinner. Kyle had a tortilla. I figured he was full from his popcorn appetizer.
This morning his attitude was a little too much for me. He was grounded from video games. I forgot. He's playing Star Wars as I type this.
Yes. We watch Spongebob in this house. He taught Kyle what condemned means. LOL. Sometimes I just need 30-60 minutes of time in this house where he's not asking me questions.
And one last "typical" imperfection as parent. Bribery. If you've never used it to try to get your child to do something necessary, you really may be perfect.
With all of my imperfections though, one thing I know for sure is that they are both loved to an extreme. They give me reason to smile. They are our world.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Tomorrow
Tomorrow you turn 13.
It boggles my mind that 13 years have gone by with you. We have honestly had the best of times and the worst of times in these years. You made me a mom. Then you made me a mom of a special needs child. Most people probably don't use the word "lucky" to describe us. I would. We are lucky to have had the opportunity to love you. You don't know you're turning 13. You don't know that you can't have cake or ice cream to celebrate. But we celebrate you. You are so special to us.
To me, you equal home. I know wherever you are, I will be also. You have filled my heart with the power to love someone so wholly without having you return the words I would love to hear from you. But you have shown me with your beautiful smile. Almost every day of your life. Your innocence is splendid. Your heart knows no hurt. I wish that for so many people and such a select few get that chance.
I think one of the best quotes that could be associated with us and our love for you would be this:
"One of the happiest moments ever is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change."
We have 100% done this and accepted you for you and what God wanted you to be. A light to touch so may peoples' hearts.
Happy Birthday, David Webb. We love you to the moon and back.
To me, you equal home. I know wherever you are, I will be also. You have filled my heart with the power to love someone so wholly without having you return the words I would love to hear from you. But you have shown me with your beautiful smile. Almost every day of your life. Your innocence is splendid. Your heart knows no hurt. I wish that for so many people and such a select few get that chance.
I think one of the best quotes that could be associated with us and our love for you would be this:
"One of the happiest moments ever is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change."
We have 100% done this and accepted you for you and what God wanted you to be. A light to touch so may peoples' hearts.
Happy Birthday, David Webb. We love you to the moon and back.
Friday, January 25, 2013
A Village
We've all heard the saying "It takes a village". This week I have found the true meaning in that for our family.
My sister sells Gold Canyon Candles. She has for a long time now. Gold Canyon supports The Prayer Child Foundation, which help children with medical costs and/or necessities. David was a recipient of theirs back in 2008 when we got his sleep safe bed. Mandy and I had recently been discussing my hopes to one day get David a push chair (a lightweight stroller designed for handicapped children). His wheelchair is very difficult to lift in and out of the van. We do not have a lift van or a ramp to get David's wheelchair into the car. David still rides in an adolescent car seat, which I believe is the safest way to transport him at this point. Which means we lift David into the van and then the wheelchair gets hefted into the back. Anyway, Christmas morning, David had a special gift under the tree from The Prayer Child Foundation. Mandy had nominated him for assistance towards a push chair and they blessed us with a $750 check. The chairs that I've looked at cost anywhere between $2500-$4000, so this was a wonderful start to a push chair fund for him!
After Christmas, Mandy still wanted to help us raise more funds. She decided to host a candle party and give David 100% of her commission to put into his fund. Her goal was to have enough sales to get us another $250. We both posted the event on Facebook and had several people order online. My friends, who don't always have a lot of extra to give, rallied behind us by sharing the link time after time or getting their family members to place orders. I had someone from high school send me a check for $100 (which had me in absolute tears of appreciation and joy). Another friend ordered candles and wrote her check over and told me to keep the difference. I was overwhelmed.
I posted yesterday that it was the last day to place an order, and then had another surplus of orders and sharing the link again. I learned a lot about the people that I have met in our small community. They really supported us in this. My heart was warmed and it made me joyful.
My friend has an organization set up in her daughter's honor (who suffers from a rare, terminal brain disease called Batten's Disease) called Mabel's Able. She texted me yesterday to let me know that Mabel's Able would like to match the commission earned by my sister's candle sales. I cried. It's been an emotional whirlwind of a week. Please go on Facebook and learn more about Mabel and children with other rare or unknown disease. You can look them up under Mabel's Able. Please like their page to support all of these kids.
I hate asking for help. I don't like feeling helpless. But from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you to all that ordered, or shared, or got other orders from family, or just donated. It is purely overwhelming to know that we have our very own "village".
PS-We surpassed our goal by over $200. And that does not include the donations that came in :)
My sister sells Gold Canyon Candles. She has for a long time now. Gold Canyon supports The Prayer Child Foundation, which help children with medical costs and/or necessities. David was a recipient of theirs back in 2008 when we got his sleep safe bed. Mandy and I had recently been discussing my hopes to one day get David a push chair (a lightweight stroller designed for handicapped children). His wheelchair is very difficult to lift in and out of the van. We do not have a lift van or a ramp to get David's wheelchair into the car. David still rides in an adolescent car seat, which I believe is the safest way to transport him at this point. Which means we lift David into the van and then the wheelchair gets hefted into the back. Anyway, Christmas morning, David had a special gift under the tree from The Prayer Child Foundation. Mandy had nominated him for assistance towards a push chair and they blessed us with a $750 check. The chairs that I've looked at cost anywhere between $2500-$4000, so this was a wonderful start to a push chair fund for him!
After Christmas, Mandy still wanted to help us raise more funds. She decided to host a candle party and give David 100% of her commission to put into his fund. Her goal was to have enough sales to get us another $250. We both posted the event on Facebook and had several people order online. My friends, who don't always have a lot of extra to give, rallied behind us by sharing the link time after time or getting their family members to place orders. I had someone from high school send me a check for $100 (which had me in absolute tears of appreciation and joy). Another friend ordered candles and wrote her check over and told me to keep the difference. I was overwhelmed.
I posted yesterday that it was the last day to place an order, and then had another surplus of orders and sharing the link again. I learned a lot about the people that I have met in our small community. They really supported us in this. My heart was warmed and it made me joyful.
My friend has an organization set up in her daughter's honor (who suffers from a rare, terminal brain disease called Batten's Disease) called Mabel's Able. She texted me yesterday to let me know that Mabel's Able would like to match the commission earned by my sister's candle sales. I cried. It's been an emotional whirlwind of a week. Please go on Facebook and learn more about Mabel and children with other rare or unknown disease. You can look them up under Mabel's Able. Please like their page to support all of these kids.
PS-We surpassed our goal by over $200. And that does not include the donations that came in :)
Monday, December 31, 2012
A Look Back
Another year has come and gone. It's hard to believe that 2012 is gone already. Life is short. Things really do pass us by.
As I look back on the past year, I see so much good. Life always hands us lemons occasionally, but I tried my best to turn it into lemon aid.
2012 gave me a 12 year old boy. David Webb really hasn't hit many more milestones in his life, but has continued to give me the blessing of a forever innocence that I would never have stumbled on if it weren't for the presence of him in my life. We will always have our challenges with him. 2013 will give me a child with the mental age of an infant stuck in a teenage body. We have already seen signs of frustration from him with what is only going to continue to become a larger frustration for him as his body develops into a teenager while his mind stays behind. We will just have to take the challenge head on and try to help him deal with all that is going on within him.
Kyle turned 6 in the spring and lost his first tooth. Looking at how much he's grown this year is crazy. He hasn't gained much weight, but he has gotten taller. Mentally, I think he is also turning into a teenage boy. He has mastered door slamming and the word "Whatever". But he can also be very mature when he wants to be. And he loves us. And his brother. He tells me every day.
We made our annual trip to South Carolina again this year. While it brought a week of fun and sun, the trip home brought us the realization that we now have two children that tend to get car sick!
Our summer at home was pretty good. We got a small pool at home so we don't have to drag David out to the local pools. He loves the pool, but we have noticed that he has about a 20-30 minute tolerance of being in the water before he gets really tired and is finished. Having the pool at home allows him to have the time in the pool and then he can get out and play in his room while we finish our swim. This way he doesn't have to sit in the heat while waiting for his brother to finish swimming. And boy oh boy, has Kyle turned into a fish!
We also spent a few days at the lake at my parent's house. Even with the LOW water levels, the kids had fun as usual!
At the end of July, my youngest sister and her husband welcomed their baby to this world. Sophie Autumn was born with shockingly large amounts of hair and even at 5 months, she still has a ton!
The fall season brought the loss of our great tans (tear) and the beginning of the school year. Kyle is already in first grade. I am still in shock over this revelation! And David would've began 7th grade this year, but is still in his class with other special education students.
Kyle became a Tiger Cub this year. So far, he really likes the activities he has been able to enjoy. This is a boy who needs to be kept BUSY!
And of course, there are always lots of smiles when David is well and in a wonderful mood!
Winter is now upon us and the holidays are close to being over. This was a tough December for us. On the 10th, we had to say goodbye to Max, our 15 year old springer spaniel. He was our first child. MY dog. He didn't care for Michael much sometimes. Michael left for Kosovo for 7 months 3 days after I found out I was pregnant with David, and it was just Max & I for most of my pregnancy. Max took it upon himself to become my protector during that time. I still miss him terribly and it is sometimes still a surprise to not see him lying right next to the bed all night. But his arthritis over the past year really came to a head at the beginning of the month and he could no longer walk. I know he's not in pain anymore. That puts me at peace.
The kids must've been ok for the return of Santa. They made out like bandits as usual and I never know how I will top it the next year. Luckily with Kyle's ever changing interests, it doesn't seem to pose a problem with him. David will continue to be a challenge to shop for though.
Of course all the good came with some bad. I could sit and reflect on all of it, but I won't. I can't change the past, and I do not know what the next year holds. I have decided that as long as I am doing what I believe to be the best I can for us, I will not worry about what others think of decisions I have made. Our pediatrician told us the other day that if it doesn't keep you up at night, not to worry about choices you've made. Probably the best advice I've been given all year.
I am not one for New Year's Resolutions. I can never think of one specific goal to make and keep at. I think the world would be a better place if we could just all sit back and reflect on how to be better people. Take a minute and pay it forward. As soon as I finish this, I am going to take the first step to do that for a person that has done a lot for us this year.
Happy New Year!
As I look back on the past year, I see so much good. Life always hands us lemons occasionally, but I tried my best to turn it into lemon aid.
2012 gave me a 12 year old boy. David Webb really hasn't hit many more milestones in his life, but has continued to give me the blessing of a forever innocence that I would never have stumbled on if it weren't for the presence of him in my life. We will always have our challenges with him. 2013 will give me a child with the mental age of an infant stuck in a teenage body. We have already seen signs of frustration from him with what is only going to continue to become a larger frustration for him as his body develops into a teenager while his mind stays behind. We will just have to take the challenge head on and try to help him deal with all that is going on within him.
Kyle turned 6 in the spring and lost his first tooth. Looking at how much he's grown this year is crazy. He hasn't gained much weight, but he has gotten taller. Mentally, I think he is also turning into a teenage boy. He has mastered door slamming and the word "Whatever". But he can also be very mature when he wants to be. And he loves us. And his brother. He tells me every day.
We made our annual trip to South Carolina again this year. While it brought a week of fun and sun, the trip home brought us the realization that we now have two children that tend to get car sick!
Our summer at home was pretty good. We got a small pool at home so we don't have to drag David out to the local pools. He loves the pool, but we have noticed that he has about a 20-30 minute tolerance of being in the water before he gets really tired and is finished. Having the pool at home allows him to have the time in the pool and then he can get out and play in his room while we finish our swim. This way he doesn't have to sit in the heat while waiting for his brother to finish swimming. And boy oh boy, has Kyle turned into a fish!
We also spent a few days at the lake at my parent's house. Even with the LOW water levels, the kids had fun as usual!
At the end of July, my youngest sister and her husband welcomed their baby to this world. Sophie Autumn was born with shockingly large amounts of hair and even at 5 months, she still has a ton!
The fall season brought the loss of our great tans (tear) and the beginning of the school year. Kyle is already in first grade. I am still in shock over this revelation! And David would've began 7th grade this year, but is still in his class with other special education students.
Kyle became a Tiger Cub this year. So far, he really likes the activities he has been able to enjoy. This is a boy who needs to be kept BUSY!
And of course, there are always lots of smiles when David is well and in a wonderful mood!
Winter is now upon us and the holidays are close to being over. This was a tough December for us. On the 10th, we had to say goodbye to Max, our 15 year old springer spaniel. He was our first child. MY dog. He didn't care for Michael much sometimes. Michael left for Kosovo for 7 months 3 days after I found out I was pregnant with David, and it was just Max & I for most of my pregnancy. Max took it upon himself to become my protector during that time. I still miss him terribly and it is sometimes still a surprise to not see him lying right next to the bed all night. But his arthritis over the past year really came to a head at the beginning of the month and he could no longer walk. I know he's not in pain anymore. That puts me at peace.
The kids must've been ok for the return of Santa. They made out like bandits as usual and I never know how I will top it the next year. Luckily with Kyle's ever changing interests, it doesn't seem to pose a problem with him. David will continue to be a challenge to shop for though.
Of course all the good came with some bad. I could sit and reflect on all of it, but I won't. I can't change the past, and I do not know what the next year holds. I have decided that as long as I am doing what I believe to be the best I can for us, I will not worry about what others think of decisions I have made. Our pediatrician told us the other day that if it doesn't keep you up at night, not to worry about choices you've made. Probably the best advice I've been given all year.
I am not one for New Year's Resolutions. I can never think of one specific goal to make and keep at. I think the world would be a better place if we could just all sit back and reflect on how to be better people. Take a minute and pay it forward. As soon as I finish this, I am going to take the first step to do that for a person that has done a lot for us this year.
Happy New Year!
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