A Look Back

Another year has come and gone. It's hard to believe that 2012 is gone already. Life is short. Things really do pass us by.

As I look back on the past year, I see so much good. Life always hands us lemons occasionally, but I tried my best to turn it into lemon aid.

2012 gave me a 12 year old boy. David Webb really hasn't hit many more milestones in his life, but has continued to give me the blessing of a forever innocence that I would never have stumbled on if it weren't for the presence of him in my life. We will always have our challenges with him. 2013 will give me a child with the mental age of an infant stuck in a teenage body. We have already seen signs of frustration from him with what is only going to continue to become a larger frustration for him as his body develops into a teenager while his mind stays behind. We will just have to take the challenge head on and try to help him deal with all that is going on within him.

Kyle turned 6 in the spring and lost his first tooth. Looking at how much he's grown this year is crazy. He hasn't gained much weight, but he has gotten taller. Mentally, I think he is also turning into a teenage boy. He has mastered door slamming and the word "Whatever". But he can also be very mature when he wants to be. And he loves us. And his brother. He tells me every day.

We made our annual trip to South Carolina again this year. While it brought a week of fun and sun, the trip home brought us the realization that we now have two children that tend to get car sick!

Our summer at home was pretty good. We got a small pool at home so we don't have to drag David out to the local pools. He loves the pool, but we have noticed that he has about a 20-30 minute tolerance of being in the water before he gets really tired and is finished. Having the pool at home allows him to have the time in the pool and then he can get out and play in his room while we finish our swim. This way he doesn't have to sit in the heat while waiting for his brother to finish swimming. And boy oh boy, has Kyle turned into a fish!
We also spent a few days at the lake at my parent's house. Even with the LOW water levels, the kids had fun as usual!

At the end of July, my youngest sister and her husband welcomed their baby to this world. Sophie Autumn was born with shockingly large amounts of hair and even at 5 months, she still has a ton!

The fall season brought the loss of our great tans (tear) and the beginning of the school year. Kyle is already in first grade. I am still in shock over this revelation! And David would've began 7th grade this year, but is still in his class with other special education students.

Kyle became a Tiger Cub this year. So far, he really likes the activities he has been able to enjoy. This is a boy who needs to be kept BUSY!

And of course, there are always lots of smiles when David is well and in a wonderful mood!

Winter is now upon us and the holidays are close to being over. This was a tough December for us. On the 10th, we had to say goodbye to Max, our 15 year old springer spaniel. He was our first child. MY dog. He didn't care for Michael much sometimes. Michael left for Kosovo for 7 months 3 days after I found out I was pregnant with David, and it was just Max & I for most of my pregnancy. Max took it upon himself to become my protector during that time. I still miss him terribly and it is sometimes still a surprise to not see him lying right next to the bed all night. But his arthritis over the past year really came to a head at the beginning of the month and he could no longer walk. I know he's not in pain anymore. That puts me at peace.

The kids must've been ok  for the return of Santa. They made out like bandits as usual and I never know how I will top it the next year. Luckily with Kyle's ever changing interests, it doesn't seem to pose a problem with him. David will continue to be a challenge to shop for though.

Of course all the good came with some bad. I could sit and reflect on all of it, but I won't. I can't change the past, and I do not know what the next year holds. I have decided that as long as I am doing what I believe to be the best I can for us, I will not worry about what others think of decisions I have made. Our pediatrician told us the other day that if it doesn't keep you up at night, not to worry about choices you've made. Probably the best advice I've been given all year.
I am not one for New Year's Resolutions.  I can never think of one specific goal to make and keep at. I think the world would be a better place if we could just all sit back and reflect on how to be better people. Take a minute and pay it forward. As soon as I finish this, I am going to take the first step to do that for a person that has done a lot for us this year.

Happy New Year!

All Year

It is that time of year that most people are reflecting on what they are most thankful for. I tend to think of the holidays as a time with family for us. I, of course, am thankful for the time I have with them.

But I want people to remember to be grateful all year. Be thankful each day for the little things in life. I know that I cannot look back over the year and remember every detail of it. Which is why I try to make sure to live in the moment and appreciate the little events that lead up to the big ones that I will remember at the end of each year.

I have been blessed with things that are unimaginable to others. They have left a mark on my heart like nothing else. I have to remember that when the bad things are happening, I am still so so lucky to have all that I have.

From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

This

This is our baby.

He is the child that completed our family.

This is the child that has taught me what it's all about to be the mom to a typical boy.

This is the boy who loves his brother unconditionally. That bond will never change.

This is the boy who loves to be loved.  And I love to love.

That is the boy who slipped his dad this note tonight.

These are some of the moments that I love the most.

Fall Beginnings

It's that time of year again. We love the smell of our fall candles burning, apple desserts, and crisp temperatures. I do love fall. October is usually a beautiful month filled with fall colors.

Fall brings many changes. It's time to get out out warmer cloths.

 Like my Uggs. Gosh, how I've missed them.

Or those 7/8 sweatpants that I've been waiting for David to grow into (but still hasn't).

It's time for more indoor play.

 Organized

And unorganized (you could also call this "mass chaos")

Yet it is still nice enough to be outside for a while. To be able to have a small leaf pile to jump into.

And we still know that we will be able to have a much larger one in the weeks to come. Yay for Kyle, not so much for Michael and I. This tree is MASSIVE!

These two are able to be outside more often. Which equals heaven for Webster. And annoyance for Max.

And we don't have to worry about them having a heat stroke like we do in the hot summer months.

Of course this time of year is one of Kyle's FAVORITE times of year.

Harvest Time!

There are so many more fall things to come for us. Monday we are going to head to the apple orchard and next weekend will be pumpkin patch time for us. Followed by Halloween and Thanksgiving festivities. 

We're going to try to squeeze everything in before those winter months hit! Happy Fall to all!

Love This

I just found this poem on another blog. It is so great.  It is equally true for my severely disabled child as it is for my typically developing child. I'm so glad I happened upon it this morning.

I Still would have chosen you - By Terri Banish.

If before you were born,

I could have gone to heaven and saw all the beautiful souls,

I still would have chosen you... ... ...

If God had told me, "This soul would one day need extra care and needs", I still would have chosen you
If He had told me, "This soul may make your heart bleed", I still would have chosen you
If He had told me, "This soul would make you question the depth of your faith", I still would have chosen you
If He had told me, "This soul would make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river", I still would have chosen you
If He had told me, "This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering", I still would have chosen you
If He had told me, "All that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you.

The kids in all their morning glory this morning!

Adjustments

This week has been a tough week. Really tough. Beginning Tuesday afternoon and still running. David has had many emotions coursing through him this week. Mad. Sad. Frustrated. None have been good.

We don't know the cause of his moods. We do know that he's hurting himself when he's feeling them. He bites his upper left arm when he gets mad. It leaves bruises. He has broken skin. So, I wrapped that arm in Coban. He figured out it was wrapped and started biting the other arm. Which he normally doesn't do, so he must be really upset.

It could be a multitude of things, He's getting several 12 year molars in. His fingers have been jammed into the back of his mouth for a while now pretty constantly. So I tried giving him motrin to see if that might ease his pain a little. Nope. He was still a mess at school yesterday. He could be tired.  He had a couple of bad nights earlier in the week. But he's been sleeping better since, so I'm not sure if that could be it. He's had changes in his classroom. The girl in his class that could almost always get a laugh out of him has moved up to high school. He has two new students in his room. So that could be it. Maybe. I. Just. Don't. Know. He can't tell me.

When David is in these sort of moods, he needs some space. Normally, we can put him in his room with the door closed and he is fine. This week he has needed a better "safe zone" for himself. Last night we finally put him in his safe bed that we have for him with some toys. And finally he had a look of peace on his face. Even a smile. He slept better last night. This morning when he woke up, he seemed to be in a better mood. Not great. Still grumpy faces, but not outright crying and biting at himself. So I left his arms unwrapped and put them in his backpack for "just in case".

Pray he gets to feeling better. He's such a fun and happy boy when he's feeling like his world is upright.

Kyle, on the other hand, is really enjoying school this year. He really wants to get a BMX bike for his birthday next May, but we told him that he has to prove to us that he is mature enough to have one. And that includes focusing at school and getting his work done. Trying his best not to lose a color while he's there. Being more responsible for himself. He's been helping more around the house and not having as many whining moments. I wish that he had been responsible enough this morning to remind me that they were having a swim party at the city pool this afternoon and was supposed to wear his swim trunks. But nope. Me not being Mother of the Year forgot. I remembered only after another parent reminded us. Oops. I ran them to the office to have delivered to his room. I'm pretty sure the secretary looked at me like I was an idiot. If she only knew what we've had going on around here this week, maybe she'd understand.

We're only a couple of weeks into the school year, so who knows how long all this will last.  I do know that David should adjust soon (fingers crossed). And it would be great if Kyle could keep up at all he's been doing too.

Just hoping to have a drama free weekend and get some cleaning done around here!

First Grade & David's Grade

School's back in session! I'm excited. For both of the boys.

Kyle started first grade on Tuesday this week. He was excited beyond belief to find out that he had the new first grade teacher this year. He had her for Title I reading for the last half of the school year last year and really enjoyed her. I don't believe that she's ever had her own classroom until now. I think she will be a great fit for Kyle with hopefully some fun and fresh first grade ideas. So far, he has not had to remove a color for talking and seems to be (hopefully) getting his work done at school. Those were both big struggles last year in kindergarten. He is VERY slow paced while working &, from what I've heard from others at the school, VERY social. So if he can overcome those two things, we should have a great school year!

David's first day was Wednesday this week. As soon as he was on the bus lift, he broke out in a big cheesy grin! He loves the interaction at school. He would technically be entering 7th grade this year. I registered him as a 6th grader, and let's just be honest. He's just in his own grade. David is in a class all his own. I heard that they got two new students in his class, bringing the total up to four. It should be a good time for him. He has the same teacher and the same aide and should enjoy the action of having some fresh faces and different behaviors/personalities around him. I was, and still am a little, nervous about transportation. He has a new driver (who is very kind) and a new transportation director this year and there seemed to be a little mis-communication between everyone. For those that don't know, David is bused to a different school district each day by our school district. We've been doing this now since David was 6, and have been very happy with where he is, but it is a lot of coordinating. I don't think I could do it! We're still working on everything, but I know that we will get it all figured out in the long run!

I am not used to both of them being gone during the day yet. It's always a big adjustment for me. They were my work buddies all summer long, and I do miss them. But, don't worry, I will get used to it quickly! Just not having to carry David all the way up the steps to the office at my parents is a big help. Or arguing with Kyle about doing some workbook pages while we're at work. Michael and I grocery shopped yesterday without them, and it was FAST!

We're still trying to get the most out of what's left of summer. We had a little bit of a cooler spell and the temperature of the pool water dropped down into the 70's. Too chilly for me, but now that the air temperature is warming back up, Kyle and Michael have been in a couple of times. In fact, Michael's out there right now. It won't be long before we have to take it down for the season, so we want to make the most of it.

Kyle has his first soccer game tomorrow morning. He is super excited for it. He's not the best soccer player, but he does seem to like playing and is learning more and more about the game. He is much improved over last year.

Soon, Fall will be here. I am looking forward to the leaves changing, the fall candles to come out, and my Halloween decorations to make their way out of the basement. School activities and soccer will pretty much keep us busy all the way through September.

We will miss summer, but are looking forward to a wonderful fall!

Clothes Optional

Today we are just hanging out at home. I am going to skip working today because my mom isn't feeling well and since I work in their home and take the kids with me, I just don't want to risk David or Kyle (mostly David) coming down with something.

So instead, I need to dust (yuck), laundry should be tackled (yuck again), and I should really clean the floors (yuck yet again). We have yet to get out of jammies. Except for David. He's half out. By his own doing.

Keeping shirts on that child is like keeping Kyle away from his Hot Wheels. I know a lot of kids choose to make the "clothing optional" choice. Especially at younger ages. David has started doing this in the last 4-5 years. He probably would've done it sooner except he probably hadn't figured out the fine motor points of getting his shirt off yet. I'm guessing it's a sensory thing with him. Hot weather or cold weather. It doesn't matter. The shirt is coming off. I'm actually ok with it in the dog days of summer like we're in now. His room gets really hot in the afternoons and he has a hard time controlling his body temperature. But the winters are horrible. His room is cold in the winter. Yet, the shirt still comes off.

I don't know what to do about it. It's fine at home, but in junior high, it's not really socially acceptable to do. As long as we're at home, he always wins the war. If we're out, we can put the butterfly harness over him to try to help. He still pulls on it, but it is much more difficult with the harness on. I think they try their best at school to keep the shirt on him, but sometimes, inevitably, I think it's just easier to let him have it off. He has us all wrapped around his little fingers I guess.

Now this is a process I watched him do this morning.

                                  Step one: Pull it up over the face and get it all stretched out good

                                    Step two: Take a breather once the shirt's all stretched out nicely

                             Step three: Get it pulled up over the head and say a little prayer that all will go well

                                        And the final step:  Proudly wear a smile for a job well done.

Now, Kyle would never run around in just his pj bottoms or undies. He is much more modest than David. He's fine when it comes to wearing swimming attire, but that's where he draws the line at half nakedness. My skinny Kyle needs some clothes on him to ward off the cold I guess.

You can tell that we've had a wonderfully unremarkable couple of weeks when I choose to blog about David's clothes. So if you read this, sorry. But I will take the unremarkable couple of weeks any day over some of the others that we've experienced!

And, YES, David's room is always this messy when he's in there. His laundry basket of fun is always emptied out and spread throughout his room. It only gets picked up at night so we don't fall on something while staying awake with the party animal.

Sweet Summertime

I can't believe that we're already into July. Half of our summer has gone by so quickly. School will be starting next month. I will miss having the kids around at first, then ease back into the world of working without them with me (which is always like taking a breath of fresh air).

We made it through our annual SC vacation, including the drive there (David got carsick) and the drive home (Kyle got carsick). The trip, as usual, was a fun one. Michael wasn't feeling the best, so we've probably had better, but it was still fun anyway.

When we got home, David developed Michael's cold symptoms and had two visits to the doctor in a matter of four days. We're going on about 10-12 days of him not feeling well now. Lots of coughing, sneezing, and snot. Before we went on vacation we bought a pool for the backyard. I was so excited to put David in it, but  he hasn't been well enough yet. I'm sad that we haven't been able to enjoy it yet as a whole family. I am determined to get David well so we can reach that goal! Kyle, on the other hand, has been enjoying the pool immensely. He has turned into quite the little fish at our house.

We made it through the horrendous heatwave that washed over the midwest. We made it through by barely taking David out of the house. He hates it. He takes a medication that doesn't allow him to sweat, so he has a horrible time controlling his body temperature. Today was the first day in over a week that I feel like I can actually breathe outside. And it rained some today! Hooray! I thought it would make it super muggy outside, but so far so good.

I am looking forward to being able to ENJOY my evening walks with friends this week for some exercise instead of being MISERABLE during them.  Our walks last week were great for the conversation, but I don't think we looked pretty afterwards! Those walks, or going to workout, are some of the things I actually look forward to each week. It's one of the few things that I get to do for myself. I am so glad that I have good friends who give me that opportunity. They always listen to my down moments, up moments, and all in between. I sincerely appreciate all of them. The friendships that I have made since moving here are priceless to me.

The rest of the summer is still to be determined. Our number one goal is to get David WELL! After that I think we are just going to enjoy. The pool, our friends, grilling, taking walks, and of course, my new found love for those little frozen Daily's drinks. Here's to the rest of the summer!

We haven't had many smiles from our snotty boy the past two weeks, but here is one he gave us earlier today. I think he figured out that the heat wave has broken!

Lemonade

They say when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade.

Some people would think this may apply to me. Not me. I'm pretty sure that life straight up bypassed the lemons and handed me a 55 pound jug of lemonade. In the form of a 12 year old boy named David Webb.

In the last week, David has had some ups and downs. He was sugary sweet the day of my sister's baby shower. He thought EVERYONE was funny. Especially his Aunt Mandy. He smiled when people played with him. He smiled when I changed his diaper. And he smiled when he was sitting by himself at the table and no one was paying attention to him. What I wouldn't give to have that type of soul within me at times.

Then his good mood faded a little. A little bit of the sourness came through. He's kind of sweet and sour at times the last few days. I believe he's having some digestive difficulties (which if you know David, you know what I'm talking about). I'm hoping to have that taken care of by this evening. But it makes him unhappy, and I can't blame him at all. One minute he's smiling, and the next, he's crying. He's been very spastic the last two days. His movements are extremely repetitive. I can't get him to stop poking himself in the neck/chin area. I cut his fingernails down as far as I could so try to keep him from hurting himself too badly. He has bruises from it. But once he sets his mind to something, he goes full force at it until the mood has passed. This has been his MO for life.

His life is a lot like a glass of lemonade. It's sour to think about having to have a disabled child for life. To know that he can't do the things that his brother; cousins; and friends can do. He actually doesn't know any better, but it still hurts just the same. I have bad days. I have cried at the strangest times. Sometimes a song will come on the radio and remind me of things I don't have. Or sometimes one will come on that is a reflection of our life.

Then those times sort of fade away. The sweet that hits you after you get over the sour. The innocence of having a child that will never know or understand the meanness of people that we will encounter in our lives. The laugh that comes from his belly for sometimes no apparent reason. Sometimes I wish I could just let out one of those laughs that just come from within. Or the smile he gives when his eyes are still closed and we are getting him out of bed for the day. I desperately would love to know what he has dreamed about the night before to give him that smile on his face.

I follow many sites on the internet that have to do with disabled children. Each family is unique in their own way. We all have our ups and downs. And lefts and rights. The world isn't the same for anyone. All face their challenges in such a brave way. I know that I am lucky right now. My luck changes daily. Pray for the ones who need for their luck to change today.

Happy Friday!

School's Out

Well, it's official. I have a child going into 1st grade. And one who gets to stay where he is (YAY!).  I've never had a child in the regular school world. It's so strange. David brings notes home every day to let me know how his day was since he can't tell me.  What went on in Kyle's day has to be DRAGGED out of him. Even then, I don't know much. But then the most random thing will come up, so I at least know he learned something new during school.
Since school has been out, we've made it to the zoo on a beautiful day. We haven't been to a big zoo since Kyle was 3. He was so much fun this time and really really excited to see all the big animals. David did pretty good too. We actually got him to focus on a large aquarium with a lot of fish for about 15-20 seconds. Pretty good in the world of David.
Our summer will be as follows: play dates, swimming, vacation, play dates, work, free movies, walks, and more play dates. Kyle has an extreme social calendar :) It helps me out when he's at a friend's. I try to plan my work schedule around those. I am fortunate enough to be able to take my kids to work with me (the perks of working for your dad). Unfortunately, Kyle doesn't think he's so lucky sometimes when he comes with me. Every 25 minutes (when commercial time rolls around), he is either hungry, thirsty, or bored.
We will be headed back to SC again this year. We will overlap with my mom and my aunt for a couple of days, which will allow Michael and I one very rare night out together. After that, we will probably have to wait another year before it rolls around again! I took him to The Melting Pot for the first time last year, and we really liked that, so that's probably where we will head again.

Hopefully summer will be good to us. Run smoothly. It probably won't. It never does. There are always some kind of bump in the road. But one can hope :)