Know Your Cool Factor

The other day we were in the van.

The song "Cool" by the Jonas Brothers came on. And Kyle was very quick to point out that he thought it made them seem conceited. 

And the more I thought about it, the more I thought maybe it should be a motto in our lives. It's probably not as much about conceit as it is about confidence. Maybe we should all be more confident in who we are. 

One thing my kids don't realize is that they're effing cool. And by "effing", of course I mean frickety frackety freaking cool. But you use whatever F word you want there :) 

It's a fact that there are only one of each of David and Kyle on this earth. No one else is them. 

Let's talk about David.

Yep. That kid.

He's 19. Lives at home with his mama. Will never leave her.  Wears diapers. Eats through a hole in his stomach. Gets carried EVERYWHERE he travels. Can't drive. I mean, on paper, he's actually kind of a bum. 

But. He's a smile-maker. A dream-catcher. A joy-bringer. He's talented at what he can be talented at. He scoots. He's determined. He's frickety frackety handsome. He's love. And he's mine. 

If you've never taken a chance to get close to David. Do it. I promise you that you will not be sorry. 

And Kyle. 

Thirteen. Smartass. Lives with his mama. Struggles with anxiety and emotional overloads. Can't remember to brush his teeth. Stubborn as a mule. The list could go on. 

But. He's smart to his smartass-ness. Loves his mama. Through his struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, he absolutely wears his heart on his sleeve. He WILL brush his teeth when told to (Future wives....this means he has the ability to be trained). His stubbornness will leave you feeling mentally stronger than you've ever felt going up against that. Did I mention he's pretty freaking handsome too?

Kyle just needs a few people to take a chance on him. He's not looking for fame. He's looking to anonymously change the world. 

Let's talk about Natalie.

Yep. Her. 

She's a 40 year old, almost single mama of 2. She thinks she's overweight. Her hair is a mess. She questions every outfit that ever goes on her body. She's often sad because she thinks she's failing her kids and life. She has so much self-doubt about anyone ever loving her to infinity. 

But. She's a pretty good mom. She has owned up to her faults in her marriage. She knows she can improve her weight. Her hair abilities are questionable, but if she puts in a half ass effort, she knows it can look ok. She's sad sometimes.....but her kids make her happy. And having someone love her to infiinty? Maybe? One day? In the future?

She also knows that she has to start having self-worth for her kids to be able to see THEIR self worth. 

I hope they know their worth. I hope David knows that he's turned me into a brand new person. 

I hope Kyle knows that he's worth being someone's infinity on a scale of 1-10.

This is all brand new territory for all of us. And together we are going to find our worth and see how cool we really are. 

Harsh Judgement. God's Strength.

I recently shared a that Michael and I are ending our 21 year marriage. I knew it was time when I was hearing my name come out of peoples' mouths that truly didn't care about the soft hearts of the people involved in this. Not only myself, Michael, and Kyle.....but our families and nieces and nephews. 

My previous post had about 10 times the amount of views then Kyle's birthday post. 

Sometimes I forget that we live in such a time that people thrive on another person's pain or drama. 

I do realize that I share a lot of our lives on social media and through this blog. 

But just like on social media platforms, I give you a glimpse into mostly the good times or I choose to share some hard times to use it as inspiration to other special needs families. 

I also choose to keep some things private. To protect the hearts who live under my roof. People may be surprised that Michael and I are moving forward without each other as married partners in life. Because we did such a good job of showing how to parent these 2 kids together. And we WILL continue to parent and make decisions for the boys together. 

Without details......it was time. Time to find ourselves. Time to start the next journey. 

And just because it was time, doesn't mean that it's been easy. To face other people's harsh judgements. To break my kid's heart a little bit. To figuring out a new routine and new responsibilities. It's been so hard. And there have been a lot of tears. I've closed myself up in my little world with my kids and my parents and my sisters and only let a few friends in. 

I am NOT a closed off person. I wasn't sure who I could trust or talk to. And I was especially aware of extremely harsh judgements of others. 

I'm kind of done with that part of me. I have to focus on why we are doing this and not worry about what others think. I need to have a support team in place for my children when they start back to school next month. I need the sunlight people in my life and I wanna leave the storm people outside.
I can do hard things and God is going to see me through this. 

I need to be surrounded by love and support right now. And I know who I have in my circle. And I love each of you for being there for me. 

It's time to let people make the right choices for themselves. You might think you know what's going on. But in actuality...….you're only seeing the shell. 

Remember that before you judge.