I recently shared a that Michael and I are ending our 21 year marriage. I knew it was time when I was hearing my name come out of peoples' mouths that truly didn't care about the soft hearts of the people involved in this. Not only myself, Michael, and Kyle.....but our families and nieces and nephews.
My previous post had about 10 times the amount of views then Kyle's birthday post.
Sometimes I forget that we live in such a time that people thrive on another person's pain or drama.
I do realize that I share a lot of our lives on social media and through this blog.
But just like on social media platforms, I give you a glimpse into mostly the good times or I choose to share some hard times to use it as inspiration to other special needs families.
I also choose to keep some things private. To protect the hearts who live under my roof. People may be surprised that Michael and I are moving forward without each other as married partners in life. Because we did such a good job of showing how to parent these 2 kids together. And we WILL continue to parent and make decisions for the boys together.
Without details......it was time. Time to find ourselves. Time to start the next journey.
And just because it was time, doesn't mean that it's been easy. To face other people's harsh judgements. To break my kid's heart a little bit. To figuring out a new routine and new responsibilities. It's been so hard. And there have been a lot of tears. I've closed myself up in my little world with my kids and my parents and my sisters and only let a few friends in.
I am NOT a closed off person. I wasn't sure who I could trust or talk to. And I was especially aware of extremely harsh judgements of others.
I'm kind of done with that part of me. I have to focus on why we are doing this and not worry about what others think. I need to have a support team in place for my children when they start back to school next month. I need the sunlight people in my life and I wanna leave the storm people outside.
I can do hard things and God is going to see me through this.
I can do hard things and God is going to see me through this.
I need to be surrounded by love and support right now. And I know who I have in my circle. And I love each of you for being there for me.
It's time to let people make the right choices for themselves. You might think you know what's going on. But in actuality...….you're only seeing the shell.
Remember that before you judge.
Screw other people’s opinions!!!! You guys are doing great!
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome Natalie! Yeah I"be never understood the whole putting everything of your life on social media. And I don't understand why people judge so more now. I'm glad I've been able to get to know you. No judgement here. Ann
ReplyDeleteAfter writing on my Team Matthew page for about six months, as the audience grew, I started sharing less because I realized that Matthew’s struggles and our struggles as a family, were entertainment to people who didn’t even know us. Naturally the posts about his death were the most widely shared and viewed, but I was humbled when I started getting notifications that those who caught wind of his death went back through his entire page to read all about him. Others are likely doing the same with you - wanting to learn more about this woman “Natalie” - who is she? How did she get here?
ReplyDeleteSend me a text if you ever need anything, just an ear, or a visit over coffee. I can’t tell you how many times Drew and I almost separated or split in the last 4 years (finally doing much better now with a lot of therapy) and we have only been married for 6 years. My first daughter is from my first marriage and my 10 and 12 year old sons are from Drew’s first marriage; albeit not nearly the length of yours to Michael. 21 years is an achievement and provided David (and Kyle) so much stability. Be proud of what you accomplished, even while you mourn what you’ve ended. Both David and Kyle will fall into the new normal with gentle guidance and reassuring words from both you and Michael.
My daughter Mae is a couple years younger than Kyle, but she once asked me if I love her dad. I told her that I love her Dad in a different way now. I love her dad for giving her to us, but that we love each better as a friendly love now, rather than a romantic love.
I don’t doubt that this decision came with every bit of consideration that all four of you deserved, especially David and Kyle because it is so clear they are the light of your life. Divorced life is not easy, but in some ways it makes what was difficult before, now easier. It’s a trade off. And if you want companionship again, you will find an even better fit because you will know exactly what you need and want the second time around. I remember at age 25 and finalizing the divorce of my two year marriage (what a kid I still was! Nothing compared to what you are going through now, however) thinking I would never find a man willing to love or marry me when I came with a young child and therefore years to come of drama with an ex. It started off with some drama as we both tried to heal, but it has settled in the years since and we do really well coparenting together these days as we have healed and let go of bitterness and resentment.
I hope I’m not illustrating your point that the “drama” posts are viewed more than the non-drama ones; I read so many of your other posts, I just don’t comment. But your words on this one pulled at me as you described the empty feeling of the lows in your life attracting more people to your blog more than the highs and I felt compelled to comment. There’s so much more I want to tell you but I will stop here with my unsolicited advice/comments; and if you want to chat more send me a text anytime: 815-883-1134.
Hugs and love from another special needs mama,
Elisabeth