Can You Picture It?

Today is my nephew's 10th birthday party. He is the second oldest of the grandkids, 2 years behind David. I used to watch both of my oldest nephews from the time they were babies until they went to kindergarten. Mikel has turned into quite a thoughtful little man who's into video games, computers, or pretty much anything that involves technology. He also asks a lot of questions about David, trying to figure him out, or even just understand everything better.
Having him turning ten has me thinking back to almost 2 years ago when David turned ten. That was a huge birthday for me as a parent. To have a child reach the double digits seemed a little unreal. I look at the HUGE differences in Mikel and David at the age of ten.  I'm 99% positive that Mikel will be receiving lots of gift cards for Best Buy, XBox, or just cash. I looked back at the pictures from David's 10th birthday party. He received lots of clothes in a size 6. He got an infant mirror for ages 3-6 months (which he still loves by the way). Mikel doesn't like regular cake, so he asked for an ice cream cake. David didn't even know there was cake there, because he can't eat normally. 
In my head, I think of all of the things that I missed when David turned 10. I know Kyle will reach 10 one day and I will see many similarities to this birthday celebration today, but I never got to see that with David.
Then I throw my heart in there along with my head. I close my eyes and I try to picture what David would have been like if he was "normal" when he turned 10. I can't. I can't picture it. Because it wouldn't be DAVID in those pictures. David was a ten year old boy who thinks like an infant. He can't hear. He can't eat by mouth (even though we sneak him some tastes). He can't walk or talk. He is now almost 12. He still thinks like an infant. He still can't hear. And he still can't eat by mouth. Walking and talking still aren't, or will ever be something he can do. But he's mine. Kyle's mine. Neither one is perfect. David's David and Kyle (who is stubborn BEYOND belief, but woke me up at 7 with a huge hug and a kiss this morning) is Kyle. I love them both more than I can even describe.
I tried to picture a different life. But THAT isn't my life. THIS is my life. Hard as it may be, it is mine. God gave it to me. So I'll take it.
Happy Birthday to Mikel Jr. on Wednesday! Proud of both of my nephews for loving and taking an interest in their cousins!

Back To The Norm......I Hope

We had an extremely eventful Christmas and New Years. David was admitted to the hospital 3 days before Christmas for an overnight stay. He'd been sick all week with flu-like symptoms and a high fever. After taking care of an underlying problem, they sent us home swearing up and down that he had something viral. We came home LATE on the 23rd and he still had a 102.5 fever. I don't think David has ever had a temp. that high. I was still nervous. Imagine my relief that they called late Christmas Eve morning and said his urine came back with bacteria in it. Hence the fever. Antibiotics followed and within 2 days he was much better. It still took the next 10 days to get him back up to his regular intake of pediasure (5 cans per day). It was a sloooooow process.
Kyle and David went back to school on January 4th. I miss having them home to an extent, but I also am enjoying it. I love them that much more when I see them at the end of the school day. It's nice to be back into a routine. While I did enjoy sleeping in until 7 or 7:30, I think we all function better on a schedule and that includes my 5:50 wake up time to get David up and ready for school. David thrives on a schedule, so he is actually adjusting to that better than Kyle. Totally different story with waking up early. I'm lucky if I can have him up by 7:30 on a school day. Then it's rush rush rush to get to school in time. It takes him a good 20 minutes to get dressed. I'm not even sure why. He's not really doing anything that would slow him down. I think he might just "check out" for a little while. Then when the weekends hit, he's up at the crack of dawn. I guess that's like a lot of kids.
I have discovered a new love of reading food blogs. I have always loved to cook, but have been burned out on the same old things all the time. So I've been experimenting. Most have been good to great, some not so good or great. I don't think anything has been bad yet. I'm sure that I'll find something that will be. I have a whole list from one site that I want to try. I think the hardest thing that I have on my list this week is homemade wheat pita bread, so cross your fingers it's good so we can have our chicken gyros on them! There are so many different desserts that I want to try. BUT I do not want those to stay in my house.  I would probably get as big as my house. I don't want the working out I've been doing to be a TOTAL waste. I WISH ALL THOSE SWEETS DIDN'T LOOK SO GOOD THOUGH!  I want to try them so badly, I just offered to make a dessert for a get together my mom is having soon. This from the girl who doesn't even love to bake that much.
All in all, I am ready to get on with 2012.  Another year of getting older. Another year of learning new things. Another year to meet knew people. Hopefully that will be what 2012 is all about :)

Jingle Bells

I'm sitting here trying to think of things I want to write. There are a lot of things going on at this time of year and it is so hard to try to touch on everything.
Thanksgiving has come and gone and the Christmas season is in full swing. Tree up, decorations up, lights are lit up, and the Christmas scented candles are burning. My shopping is pretty much complete and the presents are pretty much all wrapped except for the few stragglers I've been waiting to get here from my online shopping.
Christmas family traditions are important to me. When I was a kid, me, Mandy, and Jessi would always pretend we were asleep when my parents would come in to check on us. This was after we were old enough to know that they were really Santa. As soon as we could, we were up and sneaking peaks at what they had filled our stockings with. They made us stay in bed until 6 am. We could then get them up to go open presents. I'm pretty sure Nicole was too mature for all of this excitement. I believe that she and my parents would have rather had their beauty rest rather than wake that early to open gifts when in all actuality, they would still be there if we had waited another 2 hours! But we couldn't wait. The excitement was too much for us.
Now that I am married with children of my own, our traditions have changed slightly. But I am trying my hardest to make sure that they are the same each year. David doesn't really understand or actually care all that much. Kyle is five now though. He is understanding that Christmas is about giving and receiving gifts now. And spending time with family. And this year, we are actually reading the story of Jesus' birth to him. I definitely want him to know that this is what it's REALLY all about.
The excitement of seeing their little faces on Christmas morning still gets to me. I still have a hard time sleeping in on that morning. Unfortunately, Michael, David, and Kyle are all a lot like my parents and Nicole were on Christmas morning when I was a kid. They would rather sleep in! So this year, while they are all asleep and I'm not, I guess I will just wait in anticipation for their arrival around the tree!
I'm sure this will be my last post until after Christmas and possibly the New Year. For the rest of the year, I will be focusing on the people in my life who mean the most. And creating and maintaining all the family traditions I want to carry on for my kids. So, from my family to yours, have a wonderful Christmas season!

Living Life

Cold and flu season is among us now. This is always a terrifying time with a child who has a weakened immune system in our house. David got hit mid-October with a yucky respiratory thing that had him out of school for about a week. Luckily, he is doing much better now and we're hoping for the rest of the fall season to be a quiet one for him.

Unfortunately, Kyle was hit EXTREMELY hard with a flu virus that had him out of school for more than a week and landed him 3 trips to the ER and one overnight stay in the hospital. He was in so much pain that he was curled up in a ball screaming about how much it hurt. It was heartbreaking. I don't know what to do when this one is sick. At all. With David, I can almost predict what will happen next and I know how to comfort him when he is down and out. I had absolutely no ideas with Kyle. I felt terrible. Luckily, after 2 CT scans, 2 sets of x-rays, and plenty of bloodwork later, they determined that the flu bug pretty much just got stuck in his intestines and needed to find it's way out. He is feeling much better now. While he was in the hospital though, they were hearing an irregular heartbeat and had an EKG performed. It came back abnormal, so earlier this week, we took a trip to have an echocardiogram done on him. We don't have the results yet, but I am praying that everything is ok and it all stemmed from his illness. Cross your fingers for us.

After all the sickness we have had in October, I am ready for an ill-free holiday season. I am much closer to being done with my Christmas shopping than I was at this time last year. I will be heading to Indy this weekend with my mom and most of my sisters for our yearly Christmas shopping extravaganza, which always proves to be a good time! Michael, Kyle, and David are hanging out here for a boys' weekend in. I'm sure lots of Netflix will be watched. 

I've been thinking about how close we are to Thanksgiving already. I just want to say that I am extremely thankful for all the people in our lives. I love all of my family dearly and I have realized just what great friendships I have made in the past few years here in our little town. I really am blessed in life. Thank you for being a part of it :)

October is Disability Awareness Month

I just wanted to say that October is Disability Awareness Month. Here are some things that you could do to spread awareness about disabilities:

♥ Start a Conversation ♥ Read a book to a group of children that emphasizes difference and fosters acceptance ♥ Share a personal story ♥ Pass on information about a disability ♥ Acceptance begins with a Smile : )

My friend's 8 year old son used to be unsure around David. Now that he's around him on a regular basis, I think his awareness level has heightened. Kelly called me a few days ago to tell me that her son has started playing ball with the 2 wheelchair bound kids in his school and she wanted to thank me for allowing my child to touch her child's life. It felt good to know that David is helping spread awareness just by being him :)

Remember that if children are made aware early in life, they will be better people later in life!

My Little Sumo Wrestler

David was pretty sick yesterday and this morning. It's just an upper respiratory thing, but when David gets sick with something like that, it's terrible. He can't breathe well, and the coughing is horrendous. I took him to the doctor yesterday morning and she prescribed three new medicines and doubled another one of them. Last night was extremely hard for him. He was up all night battling what was going on in his chest. I couldn't keep anything in him. When he got up this morning, he was sounding pretty rough, but after getting his medicines down him, he was like a new kid in a few short hours. Still congested, but nothing like it was. Thank goodness!

I'm pretty sure we were paying for the past six months. That is how long it's been since we've had to take David into the doctor for an illness. SIX MONTHS!!! That's like a new record for us. I really should be thankful for such a healthy six months. When the doctor came in to see him, she could not believe how much he had grown. He is up to 57 pounds now. Three years ago, David barely weighed 30 pounds at 8 years old and now he's up to 57. It's amazing what can happen when you find out your child has a thyroid problem!

I think Michael and I have known that David weighed a little more. But now that it's actually been confirmed that he weighs that much, I think I'm noticing it even more. Now that I know, it feels like I'm picking up a ton of bricks. I'm sure he's no heavier than he was yesterday when I was picking him up. In fact I know he isn't after not eating and not keeping much down last night. But that knowledge is now in the back of my head and is playing mental games with me.

As long as he remains my little cuddly and lovable guy, he's allowed to gain as much as he wants. I know that Kyle has almost outgrown that stage already and he's only 5. But David better always remain my snuggle bug.

Can We Really Have It All?

This week has been busy. I mean B-U-S-Y. But it was fun. We were in Lincoln the last two weekends to celebrate the union of a marriage one weekend and a soon to be nephew in Michael's family yesterday. It's been a long week for all of us, but a great one.

When Michael and I got married almost 14 years ago, I had certain images in my head on what our lives would be like from then on out. When I got pregnant with David I also had certain images of what my life would be like with a family. My life is so different from the images that I had so long ago. If I had known that I would have a child with severe disabilities before I had him, I would have thought that my life was over. If I had known that we would sometimes struggle with money, life, and patience- again- I would have thought my life was over.

But it's not over. It's wonderful. No, we can't have it all. But we can take what we've been given and go with it. Learn new things. Meet new people. And love every minute of it.

And I hope that when Kyle wakes up Christmas morning and learns that Santa didn't bring him that parrot he asked me for this morning, that he will learn just what I have written. That you may not get what you asked for, but Santa (or God in our case), just might have given you something better. Maybe it was something that you really needed........