One In Four

I have been stuck in a rut lately. I'm not talking about just not wanting to do my laundry.

I'm talking about laying in my bed not caring if it gets done or not.

I'm telling you this because someone else you know is feeling the same way today.

One in four people suffer from some sort of mental illness.

I suffer from extreme anxiety as well as depression. You don't "get over it". There is such a stigma associated with this diagnosis and it makes people not want to talk about it and pretend that it isn't there. Some people are embarrassed...... I know because I was.

I also have a 13 year old son who suffers with debilitating anxiety. For anyone who would like to argue with me that a child should be able to control and rationalize those kinds of feelings, I would have you spend a day with Kyle at school. We are trying our best to help him cope with these feelings.

While our anxiety probably began long ago, it was triggered about 3 years ago when we almost lost David due to sepsis. Kyle began having some behavior changes about 6 weeks after David got sick. At first we assumed it was related to his attention deficit disorder. But after seeing our dr and pinpointing certain struggles, we caught on to anxiety really quick. At first we just tried managing it with him going to therapy and talking it out. Last year he began taking anti-anxiety medication under the supervision of a psychologist who also took over managing his ADD.

About a month after Kyle was diagnosed with his anxiety I finally sought help for my own as well. Recognizing the fact that I wasn't ok was so difficult for me. I fought a war within myself. I finally realized I couldn't heal if I was pretending I wasn't hurt. I was crying over spilled milk every day. It was minuscule things. I began taking anti-anxiety medication and I can remember going in for my first medication check and crying because I felt NO different. And my dr explained that I had gone over 18 years hiding that I was truly suffering. We changed the dosage and added a booster and that seemed to help. I can't speak for Kyle......but the medication doesn't make me different. At first I couldn't even see where it was helping me. And then one day, I had an epiphany that I hadn't broken down in tears in probably a week. Going to see a therapist that I trust also helps me IMMENSELY.

When I started going through my divorce, those feelings of not being good enough came flooding back. I knew that I needed to address those feelings before they became so real I could no longer do anything for them. So now I have a situational anxiety pill that has been a lifesaver for me in high stress life situations.

I want you to know that there is NOTHING wrong with medication. There is nothing wrong with therapy. There is nothing wrong if one thing works for one person and another thing helps someone else. There is nothing wrong with finally seeing that life is hard and you might need help.

You might be surprised that I have depression and anxiety. I am one of the ones who normally can hide it. I smile and pretend that everything is ok. I don't ask for help because my kids are my responsibility and I will always take care of them no matter what my anxiety and depression is saying to me that day.

My goal is not to ask for sympathy. Empathy is nice. But also not totally necessary. I want to be held accountable. There are days that my anxiety might get the best of me. I know there are days that Kyle's anxiety gets the best of him. But I want to be able to find my own coping strategies and help Kyle find his. I won't use anxiety as an excuse and I am TRYING so hard to not let Kyle use it as an excuse.

I just want you to know that Kyle and I are one in four and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Please have a caring heart. Especially at the holidays. You might not understand it. You might think it's as easy as shaking off an insult or a feeling of inadequacy. It is SO much more than that. Be a good friend. Teach your kids to be good friends and to have good hearts and good intentions. Teach them that there is a stigma with mental health and it can be really hard on a child to be so uniquely different that they put an unwanted spotlight on themselves for being different.

Don't feel sorry for us. Just be educated and caring. That's what this world needs more of.