Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Presents and Presence

Christmas is almost here. My gifts are all bought and wrapped. I am truly blessed to be able to give to my kids. I start my Christmas shopping almost right after Easter to allow myself to spread the expenses  throughout the next 9 months. David and Kyle don't lack for presents under the tree.

And while I am thrilled that we work so hard to provide the kids with not only their needs, but a lot of wants at this time of year, what I am really going to work on now is being present WITH them. David's last day of school is tomorrow and Kyle's is Friday. Time to work on my presence.

Presents and Presence. Two words. Pronounced the same. But oh so different. I've got the presents thing down pat. Almost too well. And I feel like I'm teaching the kids about being a little bit spoiled. My goal for this break is to try my best to teach Kyle about giving back. I hope I can show Michael, Kyle, and David how we should be living to give more. Not living to receive.  

Let's start with Kyle.

I can easily say that he lacks for very little in the material sense. He has many of the toys he wants, lots of the video games he desires, and dresses in brands of clothes he likes.

He can be a giver. But he can also be a taker. We adopted a child his age for the Christmas season to buy gifts for and I got him involved with that. He enjoyed it and I hope he understands that so many kids do not have the kind of Christmas he & his brother have.

My goal for he & I over Christmas break is to spend time together. He can spend a lot of time in front of a video game, closed off in his bedroom on non-school days. (It is something that rarely happens on a school night.) And I often allow it to happen. He loves playing board games and showing me his magic. I am going to try to be a little less busy at home and let him show me :) He is one of the best gifts I've ever been given. I want him to know that.

Then Michael.
We have different interests. We come from different family lives. We argue. We disagree.
But we make it work. Because I love him and he loves me. Married 18 years, and together 21 years. Somehow we've made it through the trials and tribulations. I couldn't do this without him.
But we're tired. We could definitely use some time to reflect and improve our relationship. Hopefully  we can maybe try to stay up more than 10 minutes after the kids go to bed to just watch a movie together or talk. Or clean together. Because that is every wife's real dream. Haha. (For real though!)
And then there's David. I saved him for last for a reason.
So many people don't understand him. They don't take the time to know how much he LOVES attention on the good days. Or the need he has for movement or deep pressure on the bad days.
Sometimes I forget. I forget that he needs me. He is actually SO easy going on the good days. He would just happily play in his room alone and be fine. But if I'm in there, or Kyle, or Michael, he lights up from the inside. I can't explain it. He has a deep & beautiful soul in there that can light my entire day. One goal of mine on his good days is to give him my time. More than just patting him on the head and paying a little attention. I want him to want my undivided attention. So I can give that to him.
On the bad days. The bad days are bad. I know most of you have heard me reference the dark days on facebook. He is so strong. He has hurt me. He has hurt Michael. And he has hurt Kyle. Those days are HARD. I am going to work on trying a little harder to ease his bad a little on those days. I know movement is a huge help a lot of the time. Maybe changing his scenery in the house will help. I am going to try SO hard to help him. And I have to be ok with it if I try and I fail on a specific day. Because I know in my heart that some days, it's better for him to try to work it out in whatever form of aggression that he is seeking that day.

This little family I have. We ALL need to work on our presence. We have it in us to be completely present with each other and with others. And I'm hoping by working on our presence, it will help us to appreciate the presents we receive and be thankful for the ones we are able to give this year. 
Merry Christmas from my family to yours.



This one is just an outtake. Kyle know by blowing on David, we have a better chance for a smile :)