Friday, June 21, 2019

Find Your Spirit

I haven't blogged for a long time outside of birthday posts for the boys. 

Personally.....we've been going through a lot of change that has nothing to do with the outside world and everything to do with my family. 

And every time we go through another change that gets us closer to the ultimate goal, I worry about Kyle. I worry about David. I worry about Michael. And I worry about myself. 

In close to 22 years I have been taking care of everyone except for myself. I love being a caretaker. It brings me a level of joy and love to give myself to other people. 

In those 22 years, I lost myself. 

Which in turn didn't allow self-love or self-care. 

Which made me someone I'm not. 

It's so important in a marriage to put work into the couple. As a couple. Not as parents. 

It's even more important as special needs parents to do that. 

We failed at that miserably. What we did, we really did think was the right thing to be doing. We (myself in particular) threw every ounce of our beings into the kids. 

We are both amazing parents. And we are both good people. And we both deserve to rediscover who we are as individuals in our 40's.

I will always love my family. I love being with small humans that Michael and I created. I love watching them grow. I love making memories with them. I love beginning and ending new chapters with them. 

And I will always, ALWAYS adore the first part of my story. 

But sometimes books have series and there will be a new book being developed in the coming years. The most exciting parts are yet to be discovered. 

Keep discovering your spirit. Today I played in the rain with Kyle and it was delightful. Tomorrow maybe I'll skydive (well....probably not). 

Keep being you. 

Being me.....To Be Continued.