Sunday, July 29, 2018

Crazy Kids. Crazy Mom.

I am the mother to two amazingly different boys. I mean, you all already know that.

What you don't know is their similarities.

They're both stubborn as one of their parents (me).

Kyle will debate with you until it's twisted so much that he won the argument. And when we're both trying to win the argument, things get a little heated between us. This will for sure make me crazy one day.

David self-harms. He knows he shouldn't. If I touch him, he stops. Then he waits until I turn around and starts punching himself all over again. It's a vicious cycle between the two of us. This will for sure make me crazy one day.

Both boys need their space.

Kyle is just at that preteen age that he would rather spend time in his room, watching YouTube, then with us. If he could eat every meal in front of his bedroom television, he would. We do force him to come out of hiding occasionally and bring enough dirty dishes with him to fill the dishwasher. Ha. This drives me crazy daily.

David. Well, David has never been the kid who wanted snuggled. In fact, as a baby, if he was crying and you tried to console him by holding him, it would make it worse. But put that kid down on his baby gym, and he would stop immediately. And today it's pretty much the same. If he's in a's best to just leave him alone. Occasionally we have to pull out the deep pressure. But he hates that. And as a mom, all you want to do is calm and console a child who is hurting, sad, or frustrated. But you just can't do that with David. This also drives me crazy almost daily.

They're both thinkers.

Kyle is deep. He is very into scripture and what that means to him. He insisted on a specific bible verse on his birthday cake. When I talked about that in therapy, she was blown away. People have always said he's wiser beyond his years. He's seen a lot of stuff. And been through a lot of stuff. But even as a baby, he was a thinker. He might not tell you what he's thinking, but you better believe that the kid's mind is spinning. It drives a mama crazy when he tells me what he's thinking AND when he holds it in!

David thinks. A lot. And man. I wish I knew what he was thinking about. Because I feel like I could solve the world's problems if only I knew what was going through that beautiful boy's head. I can see it in his eyes that he's got stuff on his mind. I can see it in his demeanor that he's thought about what he needs and wants. But he doesn't know how to tell me. Talk about driving me crazy.

They both bring me joy.

Kyle...….We fight. We argue. We have some hard-core stand-off's in this house. But......he makes me laugh. He makes me cry with joy. He makes me love hard. He makes me work hard as a mom. He makes me ME. His heart is good. He loves his family. He loves his animals. He loves this life. He feels hard and falls harder when his feelings are involved. David is his number one concern in life. As well as video games. He drives me mad. He drives me crazy in love with him.

David.…..We fight. We don't argue. But we definitely have some hard-core stand-off's in this house. (and he's normally the winner). But he makes me laugh. And cry. And I'm quite sure I've never known a love like his. He challenges me as a mom. Especially a mom who doesn't totally have it altogether. He forces me to have things together for him. His heart and mine are pretty much the same. He too drives me crazy in love with him.

All that being said.....both my kids are similar in the fact that they drive me crazy. Daily. I mean I seriously lose my s**t everyday because of them. But the happiness they bring me, trumps everything else. Everything. Nothing beats a happy mama who loves her kids more than anything else in this world. When I'm with them, when I'm without them. They drive me crazy. Crazy happy. Crazy loved. Crazy wild. Crazy life.

And that makes me joyous. And it always puts a smile on my face. Well.....eventually :)

Monday, July 2, 2018

Two Rooms

Thursday night I got hit by some gross, disgusting, terribly inconveniencing stomach bug. We've all had them. No fun. No one needs the details. Just know that if I don't have Demi Lovato's perky little body after all is said and done, I'm gonna be a mighty mad momma.

Around this house, when David gets sick, we flock to him. If anyone else gets sick.....we quarantine ourselves. Because to you or I, it's a little bug. To David it could literally mean life or death. Tell me I'm dramatic or being overly helicopter-mommish, and I'll shut you right up. You haven't watched your child almost die in front of your own eyes for something that can't even be explained to you. So don't talk to me. LOL

So that night......I went to my bedroom and left dad in charge. And if you're a mom, you already know that when mom is sick, the house falls apart. Michael did keep the children alive this weekend...….and held onto that playstation remote. Had some great bonding time with Kyle over a game of Ark though. But I regress. All that should be for another post. Anywho-I had to leave David at their mercy. Without his mommy. For 3 FULL days.

Have you ever given 100% care to someone and then had it taken from you suddenly? Yet you know he's so close and you can't get to him? My heart was in that other room. Two rooms away. I missed his smell. I missed his smile. I missed his diapers, I missed his meds, I missed his feeds, I missed his FEET (I know, I know. You all know my feelings on feet.) I missed everything. Did he wonder where I was? Did he think I was gone for good or I'd be back?

Kyle knew where I was. He occasionally poke his head in the door and asked how I was doing or to tell me some weird random fact. He made his own food. I'm sure it was no good.....but if he was hungry, I'm sure that he ate. I missed him too. But it wasn't the same as missing my third arm. That is completely how David and I are bonded.

Things can get scary around here. I'm still not totally recovered from whatever monster kind of stomach situation I have going on. Today Michael went back to work and I had to take David with me to work. I can try to avoid him all I want. But when you care so closely for someone, it means handling their medications, diapering, feeding, changing clothes, carrying, etc. Just try to pick up a 72 pound child and NOT breathe on them. So pray for us. Pray this passes a little more quickly. Pray David doesn't catch it. Pray the rest of the household doesn't catch it.

But if I can ask you one more thing to pray for...….I have many many momma friends who have their babies in heaven. And if I missed David only 2 rooms away, just imagine missing your baby from another world. Half my heart was 2 rooms away. Half their hearts are a lifetime away. Pray for them.

"Just Always Be Waiting For Me."
J.M. Barrie
Peter Pan