Tuesday, February 20, 2018

David Webb (18)

February 20, 2000

You made your debut in this world. In another country. To 2 very young parents. I had no idea what I was in for as a mother. But you showed me right away. My heart hurt because I loved you so much.

I loved you through all the struggles. I loved you through all the smiles. I loved you through the sleepless nights. I don't know how NOT to love you.

The last few birthdays have been tough for me. Sixteen was hard because it's such a noted birthday for most kids. And we didn't have those same experiences with you. Seventeen was harder because we almost lost you just a month prior to that day.

This year has been heart-wrenchingly difficult for me. And I know why. At eighteen, you become an adult. At eighteen, you graduate. At eighteen, you register to vote. And while all those things are very hard to not see you grasp (well-legally-you'll still be an adult), that's not what's so hard for me.

Eighteen puts you closer to age twenty. "A couple of decades". That damn time stamp that we were given as a possibility when you were three. And when you were ten. And when you were fifteen. And that's what's so hard. I know that it was the opinion of a couple of doctors who watched you fall ill easily and know what kinds of struggles you face. I know that it could be much much longer before we ever have to say goodbye.

But I never want to say goodbye.

I have literally been facing the fact that you might not be with me forever since I was twenty-four years old. I thought we'd just freeze time and not have to worry about it. Time didn't freeze. The years kept going. And so did you. You keep proving that you are a fighter of epic proportions. You want to live. You want to continue to show the world your heart. Your soul. Your smile. Your love. I want to continue to be able to share that with so many people who love you. And they do. We are so lucky to have so many people outside our family consider you to be a soul-changer for them. I have had so many people approach me to tell me this. I only wish you understood what you do for people.

You won't. You just won't. I wish you would.

I was never sure what I wanted to be when I "grew up". But now I know. I was meant to be a mother. Your mother. Kyle's mother. It is one of the few things I do well. And I love that "job" of mine. You changed me. You continue to change me. But one thing will never change. You are my child. You will always be my child on earth and in heaven.

No one likes an expiration date on life. No one should have to worry about that. But I will never give up on you. I will worry about you & continue to care for you as long as you are with me. One day God will need you back. It might be at age twenty. It could very well be at the age of fifty. The one for sure thing I know is that our hearts will always be connected. Our lives will always be entwined. Our love will never die. You are mine, and I am yours.

Happy Eighteenth Birthday, David Webb.

I love you.