Some of my fellow special needs mamas are struggling. The holidays can be hard.
Some kids, like David, can’t eat anything by mouth. They get their holiday meal through a tube.
Some kids, sometimes like David, have a hard time being in an overstimulated environment and melt down.
Some kids, like David, are so profoundly disabled that they don’t know why they’re surrounded by so many people, why they’re opening presents, or why their entire normal day has turned into chaos in their eyes.
It took me a really long time to get past all of those things. I used to cry when I was trying to find toys for David. Because I still had to look in the infant section. When he was 8. When he was 15. Now.....when he’s 20. I buy hats for him by the truck load. Because he loves to chew on them. I look for soft toys with mirrors. Because there is something about the shine on them that makes him content. I buy him clothes. A 10/12 in pants now for at least 5 years. But they fit him.
The holidays used to make me so sad at times. And maybe there will still be a fleeting sadness over me occasionally. I’ll always mourn for the child I thought I was going to have.
But I am completely enamored with my son.
He taught me empathy. Grace. Gratitude. Miracles. Happiness.
He taught me to be strong. He taught me to advocate. He taught me to be a pharmaceutical expert. He taught me to be a nurse, doctor & caretaker all in one.
He has NO clue that Christmas is close or that we will be waking him up to open gifts or that it’s Jesus’s birthday. He will give grumpy looks and possibly flip us the bird nochalantly all morning (I swear he really knows what he’s doing, and he pretends he doesn’t).
But eventually he will smile. At some point in the day, he will smile. His dad will pick him up Christmas night and I know he will smile then. He’s loves his people and his people love him.
Please just be empathetic at the holidays. I have many fellow You-Hoover Fong mamas who have far younger children than I do. And I can tell you....some of them are crying in the toy aisle right now thinking of the things their babies can’t do. And it takes time and healing to get to the point of acceptance. Think of them. Think of their kids. And know this. No matter what.....acceptance will come for them. And the love for their kids peresrveres every time.
