Friday, February 18, 2022

22

 

I was a baby when I had my baby. 




Literally. 21 years old and having a baby in a foreign country, trying to determine what they were trying to offer me for lunch in the hospital. The German nurses would come in and say "Mrs Watkins...your baby....wawawawawa" to let me know he was fussy in my 4 day stay with him there. 

And that was the beginning of our journey. 


David Webb. We grew together. We evolved together. We fought together. You taught me way more than I taught you. Because let's face it. You do what you want when you want. You do you of your own free will. If you don't want to be happy. You're not. If you want to cry. You do. If you want to be awake in the middle of the night.....you certainly do that with gusto. 

I quite honestly don't know who'd I'd be if I didn't give birth to you. I would be a shell with something missing, but not being able to pinpoint it. I could have a million "regular" kids and think I was fulfilled, but you'd be the secret that was missing from my life. 



You are officially older than I was when I had you. That's mind boggling to me. To think if you were typical, you could have been having your own children by now. (Although I would have encouraged you to wait a lot longer than I did!) 

You should be finishing college. Or working in a trade. Dating or married. Moved out and moved on from living with me. Except you're not. Because you're supposed to be WITH me for as long as I'm allowed to have you. Because without you, I'm not me. 

Some mothers would still be mourning all those things you're "supposed" to be doing. I suppose I did that for a long time. I'm not anymore. The son I thought about all through my pregnancy with you was just a fantasy for me. You are my reality. 


You belong to a lot of people in this world. So many people care about you. Teachers, classmates, your brother, parents, family, etc. I know you know it, but I don't know to what extent. It's massive amounts of people though. 



All I can say is thank you for teaching me how to grow up. And thank you for growing up with me. 


I love you David Webb. 22 looks good on you.