Who Would You Be

This time of year is hard on everyone.

But for the mothers of special needs children (in my case with neuro-typical developmental delays) it's so much harder.

Children with special needs struggle. The change in the household with the decorations, shopping in large crowds, the extra noise, the long days at special family events, etc. Those things can cause major meltdowns, crying fits, stimming, and other non-typical behaviors.

David is 19 years old. Mentally he's roughly anywhere between 6-12 months old. His fine motor skills are somewhere in the 3-6 month level. He loves to chew on baseball hats. He loves brightly covered mirrors. He likes to chew on these really small golfing towels.

Nothing a typical 19 year old teenager would be doing.

I do sometimes find myself wondering what life would be like if David didn't have the TELO2 genetic mutations that he has. I wonder what it would be like to not have the vast knowledge of genetics. Of gastrointestinal complications. Of seizures. Of IEP's. Of wheelchairs and adaptive equipment. Of suction machines. Etc.

Would David be almost a semester into his second year of college? Aiming towards a degree in some awesome field?

Would he love to watch and play sports? Soccer? Baseball???

Would he have a favorite video game?

Would he have a girlfriend?

Would he pick on and fight with his little brother?

Good Lord. I HOPE he'd be potty trained.


I used to plead with God to make him typical. To help him "outgrow" whatever it was that was impeding him in life. I wanted him to change SO badly. I didn't have the strength at 21 to know that this little boy was going to change my life.

David is definitely my best friend. When you spend so much time with an individual and constantly have them in your personal space.......you become soul mates. I know that sounds odd. But I bet a  million of my virtual special needs mamas would completely understand what I'm talking about.

I pray. Nightly. And 99% of the time I truly do thank God that he didn't listen to my prayers 17, 18, or 19 years ago. There is that 1% of the time that I question my ability to have patience with this kind of lifestyle. I question why me????

But I truly know that if David was going to college, dating, or anything else listed above.....he wouldn't be my son. He would be a stranger to me. David is David. There is no other person who is able to be my best friend.

And David makes me who I am. I'd be a completely different kind of mother had he not made such an impact on me. He's changed my heart in almost 20 years.

He is truly amazing. Both my boys are. And I am very grateful for them.

You don't "heal" special needs. You nurture them and make the best out of even the worst of times.