Saturday, February 18, 2017

17 in 2017

Another year has gone by that we've been blessed to have David in our lives. I feel like a broken record on his birthday posts every year. Because while his body is aging, his mind is forever staying the same. And it's so hard.

He turns 17 on Monday. It's one of those in between birthdays. Not quite as notable as 16. But it is his last birthday as a "child". And that is terrifying for me. So much changes at 18. His doctors change. Our status will change. From "parents" of David Watkins to "legal guardians" of David Watkins. But this is 17 and we will celebrate that age and worry about the "adult" age later in the year.

It was a year of mostly ups. Until last month when we almost lost him. That was by far the scariest day of my life so far.

And I won't take another day with him for granted.

I have made it a point every single day since then to spend quality time with him. Some days that means sitting in his room on the floor when he is crying and he wants nothing to do with me. But I'm there. Some days that means sitting in the room with him while he's sleeping and he has no idea that I'm there. But I am. And some days that means playing in his room while he laughs and looks me in straight in the eyes and KNOWS that I am there. Those are the moments I treasure the most, but the other moments are a part of us. Him and I. We are definitely a pair.

When he is at school, I have realized that I go through the day feeling like part of me is missing. And when he comes home, I definitely feel complete. I realize that all parents, probably moms in particular, are bonded to their children. But as a parent to one typical child and one special needs child, I can tell you there are different types of bonds.

Kyle and I have a bond and we talk to each other. He tells me how he is feeling, what he is feeling, when he is hungry, when he is tired, and what he needs. He is ingrained in my heart. But because he makes his needs known to me verbally the bond is different.

David and I have a bond of a different kind. I feel like I know him so well that sometimes I think we almost share a simultaneous  spiritual heartbeat. Even though I know that physically, his heart actually beats much faster than mine. My gut instinct with him has become fine-tuned and while I don't always know exactly what he wants and needs, I always know that I will try my best to figure it out.

This next year is going to be a year of change. I am watching other kids his age go on college visits, get jobs, excel in school activities and much more. I think at first I was a little sad about not experiencing that with David. And now I'm not sad at all. I'm just so grateful for more days on earth with him. Happy or sad days. Another day to change his diapers. To give him nutrition. To dress him. To smell his hair. To get pooped on (totally not even a joke). To hear his laugh. To hear his cry. To watch him scoot. To share him with others. To keep him to myself. And so much more.

I pray for so many more days and years and birthdays with our boy. He keeps me grounded and keeps me real. And maybe those are selfish reasons. But maybe they're also his purpose.

Happiest of Birthdays on Monday David Webb. You are my heart, soul, joy, and wonder.

(And Kyle proof-read this for me and gave me a standing ovation. LOL. Talk about a pat on the back from a 10 year old. I love him so much too :))

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