Thursday, May 14, 2015

As Long As It's Healthy

We've all heard people going through pregnancy (I'm sure myself included) say "I don't care what I'm having. As long as it's healthy.".

Those words are spoken a lot. And chances are you WILL have a healthy baby. So maybe it doesn't really matter that those words were spoken. But to a parent of a special needs child, I need people to understand my thoughts.

What if the baby isn't healthy? What if that child has so many special needs it makes your head spin? We didn't know anything was wrong with David until he missed all of his milestones. He was 6 months old before we really grasped the severity of his needs and delays. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was 21. A very young mother. But guess what? I dealt with it. I loved him. Those needs didn't matter. I took care of him.

When I was pregnant with Kyle, we knew we had risks involved. I never once said "as long as it's healthy" with this pregnancy though, as I'm sure I did with throughout my pregnancy with David. Because as much as I prayed this second kid of mine WAS a typical baby, knowing that he might not be, I would've handled it. Maybe not well at first. But I would've loved him because he was mine.

Believe me when I say that having a special needs child probably won't happen to you. But I didn't think it could happen to me either. You get what you're given. And if you do get an extra special blessing in the form of a special needs child, I can guarantee you that you will love that kid regardless. As a parent, you will do what you have to do to make sure that child is living a life that he or she is most capable. You will get through a LOT of bad days. But I promise there are good days too. I want David to have a good day everyday. His smile gets me through a lot of stuff.

Lately though, we've been going through a lot of bad days. More than a month of bad days, with the occasional smile thrown in. Yesterday was very bad. And I can't fix him. I am trying my best. But my best isn't enough lately. So we're just taking it day by day. And hoping that it gets better.

And I have faith that it will. He has no means to speak to us. The way he deals with frustration is crying. And biting. And crying more. Sometimes a change in position helps. But not always. Puberty has got to be hard on a normal teenage boy. But a boy who is mentally 6 months old in a 15 year old body? Forget about it. It's off the charts hard.

But I love him so much anyway. Both of the kids are so special to me. They both have bad days. I can reason with Kyle & he can talk it out. David can't. I'm trying to be patient. Sometimes I lose my patience and Michael has to take over. But I will ALWAYS love him. Healthy & unhealthy. Happy & cranky. If this happens to you, you would do exactly the same.

Please pray that our happy boy comes back soon. And remember that regardless of being "healthy" or "unhealthy", you will love whatever child is handed to you. I can attest to that.

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