I think I need a do-over of the past 4-6 months. Really. I've been looking at our situation in the wrong mindset. I've been letting the bad days consume my thinking. And believe me. There have been more bad days than good ones lately. David is having a tough time & we don't know why. More than one doctor is now telling us that in their medical opinion, David has lived over half of his life already. One doctor has said he believes he won't live through his twenties. I have a hard time facing that harsh possibility. It sits like a heavy weight in the back of my mind and in my heart.
I need to start living in the moments. Because even during his worst days, there are always good moments. At least one good moment. And if I'm only looking for and dreading the bad days as a whole, I am going to miss a lot of good moments. If I only have another 5-10 years left on this earth with both of my boys, I am going to try my best to enjoy the good in the days. I do not want to miss out on a life of good, or on some days, great things. Today was a good day for David. I can only hope that tomorrow brings more of today. And if not, I will remember that a day is made from hours and minutes and remember that something good will happen. Even if it is only for minutes.
I still know that sadness will sneak in. It's natural. Probably healthy actually. But I will pray that those moments are short-lived and happy thoughts will take over.
Because I know........I really do have a great and blessed life. I just need to look for it.