I'm Just a Mom

I often get the comment "I don't know how you do it."

I don't totally understand why. I do it because it was my choice to have children. In making that choice, I choose to take care of the children that I have.


I am just a mom to David.  The child who made me a mom. The kiddo who introduced me into the world of special needs. The kid who has great days and really tough days. The person who molded me into who I am right now at this very minute. A love of my life that I worry about daily. For his present life & future life. I worry about the cruel world we can sometimes live in and am thankful that he doesn't understand the impact of humans that can be unkind. I feel the hurt for him.

(Perhaps one day there WILL be a movie about him!)

 



I know that David is not perfect. Neither am I. He is just David and I am just his mom.



I am just a mom to Kyle.  The child who made me a mom for the second time. The kiddo that introduced me to the world of a typical needs child. A kid who has good days and really tough days. The first child of mine to ever utter the words "I love you" to me. A love of my life that I worry daily for. For his present life and his future life. I worry about the cruel world that we can sometimes live in and I can only hope that I can be enough of a role model for him to become one of the many kind humans we have in the world. He has & will always feel the hurt for his brother in the world. He said it best in the car the other day when he said "Being related to David will make us all better people."

I know that Kyle doesn't always make the best choices. He struggles daily with self-control. But I know his heart. I know it when it's happy and when it's hurting. He is a very normal 8 year old boy with special circumstances in his life that he can't always grasp. But I see glimpses of him grasping it daily. He is a boy trying to figure out where he belongs & one day he'll figure it out. I will help him find who he is. Because he is Kyle and I am just his mom.


Two very different boys. Yet at the same time, they have so many similarities. And I love them both very much.

Disappearing Summer

I can't believe that it's that time of summer already.

School registration has been completed for Kyle. The 3rd grader. Tear. I'm hoping for an awesome school year for him. It will be his last year at his elementary school before he heads to BRIJHS in Mansfield next year.  With a new-ish diagnosis of ADHD (the predominately inattentive kind), I'm a little nervous for him to enter a new school year with a new teacher. But fingers crossed and a positive attitude for both of us should carry us a long way. I am going to work really hard with him this year to be confident in what he's doing, so he can succeed. He is so excited to start school. School supplies have been bought and he seems to have gone with a red & black theme for folders, ruler, & headphones. He was a very enthusiastic school supply shopper this year!

While I was able to utilize online registration for Kyle (best thing EVER), I still have to register David in person since he goes to school out of district. I do that next week. In our district and also the district he attends in the town over from us.  He will be returning to the same class he's had for the past 5 years. Still at the Jr High level. The absolute right place for him.

But.......It's hard.  I was crying the other night thinking about it.  He should be a freshman in high school this year. Starting driver's ed. Thinking about homecoming. But he's not.  I've watched several of my friends talk about registering their freshman kiddos this year.  And it's so exciting for them.  I am truly excited for them. Especially to watch the girl that has watched Kyle for me a little the past two summers start high school. She is a month younger than David. And a great girl.

While I'm super excited for all of my friends' kids, I will always grieve the child that I dreamed of when I got pregnant with David. These big milestones, such as starting high school, always hit me hard. And even though David will start high school next year (I am TERRIFIED!), it won't be on the same level as your normal freshman year.

And while I may not have gotten the David from my dreams, I got this:

And this:

And this:







And I realize he is my dream. I just didn't know it. And he is exactly where he needs to be. And exactly who he needs to be. My real life hero.

Summer

Summer is in full swing around here. It's finally hot out. And I won't complain after the winter of hibernation here in central IL.

Both of the boys have settled into their summer routines. It took David a little longer establish a new summer schedule, but Kyle jumped right into trying to sleep until 10 am. I don't always let him, but he tries to each morning. I think it took me the longest to get into "summer mommy mode". But after almost leaving for work once without David, and not having lunch food for Kyle twice, I think I've finally got it down.

Of course keeping them busy during summer sometimes proves to be challenging. They come to work with me the days Michael is at work. Kyle normally brings along a book and at least one electronic device. David is either super cranky at the office with me, scooting all over the office floor, or like today-fast asleep. Because Mommy's work is boring. They normally last about 3-4 hours and do pretty well.

At home, I have figured out to keeping them happy equals giving them my time. David is usually pretty self-sufficient while playing in his room. He has his baskets of toys that he dumps out multiple times a day and I pick up multiple times a day. But self-sufficient and happy are different for him. I noticed when I'm in his room for him, smiles take over his face, and he truly loves just having some company in there with him. I'm so lucky he's so easy to please.

Then there's Kyle......LOL. Keeping him busy and happy during the day is proving to be much more difficult. He needs to be busy ALL of the time. I cannot give him my time 24 hours a day. I have laundry, dishes, and work. I know that he is 8, and should be figuring out how to fill his time-which he can do most of the time. But it is not always a choice that I think he needs to be doing. Television and video games should only make up a small part of the summer days. He needs help with figuring out other things. To him, my time not only equates to one on one time with him. Sometimes giving him my time really means planning or helping him choose activities to do on his own. Because as much as I want to give my all to him, I have his brother to tend to, a dog to tend to, a house to tend to, and work to tend to.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I know he doesn't have a typical sibling to play with or fight with (second part is totally ok with me!) So planning a play date or an activity for him helps him fill his time.

 

 

 

 

Time is one of the greatest gifts we've been given. Choose to what you do with your off-time wisely. It's what our kids are going to remember most.

 

Sorry

Today I was making small talk with a repair man at work. He had been there before when I've had the boys at work with me and was asking me a little about them. When I told him a little more about David, he replied with "I'm so sorry."  I replied back with "Please don't be sorry for us."

I truly don't want people to feel sorry for us.  While I didn't ask for a special needs child, this child was chosen for Michael & I to raise and love. I am absolutely NOT sorry that we had him at all. When I was pregnant with David, I had so many dreams. Those dreams didn't come true, but I have so many other dreams now.  Dreams of acceptance. Dreams of awareness. Dreams of loving all needs.

Occasionally I feel sorry for the things that we can't do. I feel badly for Kyle because there are things that we have had to skip out on because of accessibility issues. Or David having a bad day.  I wish I could change the way I feel, but I'm human and go through human emotions just like everyone else. And while I feel sorry for certain things, I do not feel sorry for who we are. Because we are us.

 

 I am lucky enough to be able to love my special needs child along with a much more typically developing child with his own struggles with ADHD.  Some days are really tough. Most days are really good. And some days are just in between. For both the boys.

The journey we're on has so many days that are unpredicted still. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next.

You don't have to feel sorry for us. But I will always accept & appreciate prayers for us & these two kids.

Favorite Eight

This post will be a little different than my usual birthday post. Now that Kyle is 8 (yes 8!), I have the impression that a super mushy birthday blog post wasn't in order this year. Will it get a LITTLE mushy? Yup. But hopefully not the "Mom, you've embarrassed me terribly and I can't show my face around those who have read this" mushy.

So I've decided to compose a list of my 8 favorite things about my youngest child in honor of his 8th birthday.


1.  His heart. He loves unconditionally. He would probably still love me if I had posted a sappy blog about him turning older.

2.  His adoration towards animals. Maybe that goes along with the heart business, but I think someone who has such a love for animals shows such a great character.

3.  His eyes (and those lashes!). I swear that boy's eyes turned brown within hours after being born. They are so different from David's. Michael has brown eyes as well, but I think Kyle's may be even darker. And his lashes make ladies super jealous.

4.  His adventurousness. He is not afraid to try anything new. Four-wheeling, tree climbing, bike tricks.  You name it, he's willing to try it if he thinks it's something "cool". (Let me just note for the record, that he & I have completely different definitions of "cool". Some of the things he's willing to try freaks me out as a parent!)

5.  His love for the outdoors. He hates being stuck inside all winter. It's definitely not good for Kyle's ADHD side. Thank goodness we're seeing much nicer weather here lately! He's been out playing every single night since it's been warmer!

6.  His laugh. From day one, Kyle was a child you had to work to get a smile or a giggle from. So when he laughs, it's pretty darn genuine.

7.  His blankie. LOL. Don't tell him I wrote that. But I got the "blankie" for my baby shower for him, and he is still very much attached to that thing. Not sure when that will go away.

Aaaaannnnnnddddddd best for last!

8.  His love for his brother. This probably goes with #1, but this is a special bond. Most people don't see it, because when we're out doing other things with other people, Kyle has other things to do. When we're home, he really knows the things David likes & dislikes and has learned to read him as well as Michael & I. It's something that I don't think will ever be broken even as Kyle grows older & his interests change.


All in all, I'm excited about Kyle turning another year older. He always gives me a lot of firsts as a mom. But I don't think I'm near as excited as he is about turning 8!

After reading this Kyle wanted to add a list of his eight favorite things:

1.  Family

2.  Old fashioned cars

3.  Star Wars/Lego Star Wars

4.  Marvel/Lego Marvel

5.  Eating

6.  Vacation-South Carolina

7.  Briley (Grandpa & Grandma's puppy)

8.  School

Hands

Kyle & I were having this in depth discussion about hands this morning. Different shapes, sizes, finger/palm prints, capabilities. He was curious about hands today! So we took some pictures.

These are Kyle's very capable 7 (almost 8) year old hands. In the spring & summer he will have scratches from playing with sticks and dirty fingernails from digging in the dirt.  He uses them to write, play video games, brush his teeth, and so much more. As he grows, he will find more & more uses for these adorable hands. Amazing that these hands help define who he is.

 

 

Here are David's hands. 14 years old now. Not quite as capable as his brother's in the same categories. In fact, he will never write, never play video games, and never brush his own teeth. But they are still capable. David uses his hands to bring himself comfort. He has always been a thumb sucker. Those callused little thumbs show that. He can use those hands to bring things to his mouth to chew on. Or he just flat out chews on his fingers if there is nothing else to put in his mouth available. These hands also define David in a huge way. Those crooked pinkies are adorable! And thank goodness for great veins in these hands! It makes for easier needle sticking & poking for blood draws much easier. There are no denying who these hands belong to.



Kyle thinks it's so cool that their hands can be used so differently, yet still be capable of their own particular needs. Never thought to use our hands as a teaching moment, but it presented itself, so we went with it & learned a lot!



Love this song!

14

Every year I find myself writing the same things about you on your birthday. I just get to add another year. Today you turn 14. You've given us another year of loving you. It's so hard to believe that you are turning into a young little man. We've had our frustrations of your mind being like a 6 month old's stuck in this 14 year old body that's the size of a 9 year old's body. It's all quite confusing. To us & to you.

But it's ok. Because we'll love you no matter what you're going through. I will go through the frustrating days with you while we wait for a day filled with laughter & giggles. You never disappoint. You always come back to your happy disposition even after days, and a few times after weeks, of crying & biting out of frustration. I know that always comes from the lack of communication that you're able to give us. But you always come back to happy.

Those happy times have been some of the happiest days of my life. I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love the few times that you've found the coordination to actually squeeze me to give me a hug. I love all of you. From the moon, to the stars, to the heavens above. Always & forever, buddy.

I make a big deal about your birthday every year. Even though you have no idea what's going on. Since you can't shout it from the roof tops that you're another year older, I'll do it for you.


Happy 14th, David Webb! You are one of my biggest blessings on this earth.